RENDER ME WILLING
Render me willing to state
there is no agenda, no motive -- but love and admiration. In the wakefulness of youth, explanation and
expression were favored -- realities
ignored, obstacles contrived and substitutes and absolutes served as resolution.
Now, that the gods appear determined to forge our souls, assurance insists it
was felicity and reflection that stayed the course.
Your enigmatic
wistfulness and my insatiable importuning aside, mutual veils of enticement
conspired. Never was there a man as
moving and inspiring, never one so easy to love and so fearsome to be in love
with.
Render me willing to
confess that before Oneiros rules and Eos is enveloped by mauve twilight, recollections
of tangled pleasure are unfurled of one exultant moment on the avenue, when our
hearts and minds collided and proved to be a lifelong focal point, signifying the
veracity of your regard and the unalloyed apotheosis of my devotion.
The belief that the
difficulty of having achieved a result is in direct proportion to its value
resonates. Striving to overlook unease
and ensnared by perceived necessity, confidence was placed in the hands of
strangers and matters I would have private were disclosed. Thus, inexplicably
and uniquely framed by uncompromising circumstances, it was with devotion and
tenacity I struggled to dovetail my role to your needs.
Render me willing to pay
tribute to the narrow slip-shod shreds of our steadfast lifeboat that so valiantly
navigated our misadventures -- while we designated the space between us
sacrosanct and our joint efforts yielded gratification. The world was gifted with your viewpoint and
your by beauty sanctified creations, endorsed the certainty of ideal love and welcomed
your admirers to experience pleasure that will remain inviolate.
You imprisoned promises
between fruitful shades of time and perfected a dream. To dissuade memories of fathomless depths of
deprivation is my intent, convinced now that you, with whom my mind merged and
with whom my heart grew accustomed to respond, determined that traditional
intimacy was not to be part and parcel of our attachment. May I no longer dwell on the fact that my
involvement invited interest and assurance, but was insufficient for conventional
familiarity. Notwithstanding these considerations,
dear heart, who is to say you have not honored me with the very best of you?
Render me willing to
give credence to insight few could perceive -- graceful dreamscapes that we visited
together, whose concealed participants would not endorse the possibility their union
was naught but a disreputable game flaunting itself as romance. Desirability and fascination were genuine and
indisputable our determination to disregard glacial absurdities and the finality
of spent feelings.
Seductive regardless and
throughout and despite declarations to the contrary, our rebelliousness succumbed
to limitations as we became embroiled in an unwise investment in borrowed
time. The threshold of endurance was
denied, treason masqueraded as holiness and despite defiance, doubt would not
be vanquished. Let us now banish the waywardness, mon cher frere, that reigned when too much was assumed and too much consumed.
Render me willing to reluctantly
surrender to resignation. Insubstantial wraith like runes on a contemporary
monitor is all I see of you and it is compelling to refrain from employing age,
loss of vivacity and comeliness as an excuse. Needful for me as well is to attempt to demote
pride, which was once called forth to bolster value, as inconsequential. Consent to witness my pledge that I am disposed
to forgive your trepidation and indifference and implore you to absolve me from
not employing outrageous and invasive insolence to meet you and when you were
free, the powerlessness to obtain the prerequisite connections and resources to
encounter you once again...at the right time and place.
With your Celonese
sapphire eyes and your inviting lips, historical relevance, inherited superiority and inherent exoticism
intact, the captivity of love was eclipsed. Insanity became our testament and our
symbolic "marriage blanc" evolved into graceful
ethereal Sephardic trysts and romantic imaginings. Were we at the mercy of fortune's
hand or a case for confidence and valor when we avoided the greedy vortex of
vengeance and defied danger, moments before the consuming maw of annihilation?
Render me willing to
state that we will obviously soon be overcome and "heaven" will take our senses from
us in exchange for dreams alone. Therefore,
like a high wire act, let us encourage each other to now offer a tender emotional
refuge that conceals the switchblade uncertainty of love and grant us the
freedom to experience this time, these thoughts ... these feelings.
Let us strive to forgive
the long and wasted years and harness
courage to cherish the memory of loving attachment before we are waylaid. Like a
twin flame, you and I will be joined in a sheltered sanctum where we may defy
all odds and in silence let misgivings and missteps sort themselves out.
Render me willing to
endorse my readiness to revisit the dreamtime when naught but regard and
solicitude favored us -- when hope was flagrantly alive, convincing us to believe
paradise was to be found on earth. Allow
me to believe that you would accept me still to rest beside you without demand
or expectation -- or, that I finally come to terms with your unwillingness or
inability not to do so and I will draw about me the comfort of once having been
the only star in your firmament.
A nightly ritual of
revisiting past pleasures is hereby disclosed and although disappointment made
an appearance, your provocative lyrics and virtuoso melodies outweighed
belligerent sadness and faltering self-esteem. Love is not happiness and doubt and condemnation
may accompany empathy, but my spirit was nurtured, my soul consoled and passion's
intense exhilarating crescendo flight spared me from enduring colorless and fruitless
wandering.
Render me willing to deny
the perceived entitlement of your promising courtly missives and bypass the
guardians of stolid conditioning. Let us
judge our actions not by common measures but celebrate our
resourcefulness. The history of your
creations' expressive uniqueness and the excellence of your noteworthy achievements, which have gifted so many with enjoyment, will always be gratefully cherished.
Your prodigious,
original gifts were witnessed and valued and your incomparable god-given
aptitude and indisputable renown long ago assured your rightful place in the
pantheon of greatness. "John Wesley Harding" and later, unlikely happenstance,
conveyed me to the crossroads and our recalcitrant disposition and rootless roving
hurtled us from a private cocoon into an incendiary situation. Nevertheless, even in the face of our lingering
separation, an imprint of tangential significance was created through
steadfastness and regard.
Render me willing to recognize
acceptance must be summoned in lieu of comforting embraces, but in our time and
in our way, outstanding one, ardor and inspiration was ours. Lastingly joined as we are, do we not now agree
how easily we have connected to do each other's bidding and reflect how strangely
things have come to pass?
Let us endeavor to continue
to marvel that certain sensational songs, seemingly generated by a divided will,
were composed by your hands to enchant, provoke emotion, entertain, invoke
empathy and playfully engage the mind long after sound ceases. Allow me to reiterate my impassioned wish that
you would not have had it otherwise.
Burdened as you are, by an immense gift, I trust you also respect that worship
was rejected in favor of understanding and awareness... and that to this day, I
encourage you, unadorned and without stratagem or subterfuge, to rest easy.
Render me willing to return
to a measure of untainted clarity before our willful natures asserted
themselves and expectations dominated, before potent potions made an appearance
that initially transported the senses, but eventually made inroads, yielding
confusion and the dereliction of spirit. Let us aspire to come unto the world once
again with unsullied idealism and the audacity of ignorance -- before hope was
relied upon to aid belief, as we strove against all odds to circumvent the
collusion of worldly power.
Let us consider how we
might escape from a past that transcended baseness but also muddied our lives
with sorrow and attempts to quantify our love with rigid parameters that resulted
in romantic fancies, when we were most vulnerable to implode from disillusionment.
In more respectful, generous terms, our
arrangement maintained and compounded a rare and elevated state of attraction
and art -- the potent tension before heat turns to flame and thus we find
ourselves in the present.
Render me willing to daydream
without reserve, wherein I seek your benediction and you claim me still. Beguiled, inspired and driven, my entranced
feelings have not altered since the inception of our togetherness. Recollections abound when we examined religious
conviction, pondered affairs of state, danced to folk tunes and drowned in blue
timbres born of cruel outrage, while nurtured by your celebrated poet's laurels,
we were spirited forward and our innermost precious hearts' delight was graced with
love -- exclusive, irreplaceable and incomparable
in its universality.
In the cause and effect
of the dervish rhythm of existence, persuade me to accept with faith and trust my
life engendered more than sustenance from the mind numbing routine of wage
earning servitude and remember that if ardor and courage gave us momentum, the
indefinable influences of mystical powers from another dimension, fostered and
abetted by my unproven self, conveyed their will and in subtle ways for a time
enlivened your heartrending laments and intrepid star power...or was it their
care?
Render me willing to dismiss
those with loathsome proclivities and low life inclinations whose hateful,
savage, lurid acts destroy and offer no apologies for my outsider recluse ways
-- a revolt against repression and opposition
to a proliferating thrust of an alleged necessity to be constantly informed,
incessantly pursued by offensive hard sell and inundated with seemingly endless
inane trivia...amid the tooth and claw realities of an oft times violent planet,
that threatens to burst the seams of existence.
Forgive for being prone
to contrived obfuscation and harebrained inhibition which obscured insecurity
and innate enthusiasm, as if to keep the common capriciousness of relationships
at bay. Providentially, I was also granted
the disposition to be conscious of nature's majestic displays and immersed in
the wonder of its limitless, intricate, and awesome continuation, its
affirmative reemergence echoing recollections of a divine sanctuary, a spacious,
consecrated sacristy where ceaseless hectoring voices have long ceased and an
anchorite listened to a sonorous chorister sing a quiescent hymn -- and the
world paid attention.
Render me willing to be
determined to evade, if possible, memories of all too human self-indulgent rage
and jealousy, while you expressed our connection with provocative, unexpected
transparency and the luminosity of your songs filled my soul's need. Therefore,
if recent rumors be fact, let me say naught concerning your requirements, other
than it is not an obligation to honor debacles of farcical excess with funeral rites
of what would be, for me, an already thrice born bereavement. You and I will meet again, dear, on the other side.
Among sacred rapture,
pontifical embellishments, flamboyant grandeur or the pernicious enmity of
being negated and eclipsed, I wonder had I demonstrated irreproachable
amicability, might it have tipped the scales?
Be that as it may -- years of solitude were endured and of late more
than a decade of celibacy. Punishment for sin, or reprieve from a mission to serve somebody? Wrongdoing is always in
evidence, but archaic seem the ways of sin in love and war, but then I must also
confess suspiciously perfidious may be my self-deception. If Fortuna turns the wheel after all, ours was
a bond that embraced sublimity, anchored emotional constancy and improbable perseverance
-- defined by a touching, consanguineous, ever inspiring cohabitation in a charmed
lunar dominion not easily set aside.
Render me willing
therefore, beloved, to reel in good tidings before dismay and regret have further
opportunity --to undertake, beloved, severing obsession from love and despair
from affection, so that we might yet be redeemed and draw comfort and
thanksgiving from the night.
Queen of Swords
***
"Hazel" by Bob Dylan
"Beyond Here Lies Nothing" by Bob Dylan (great song but oh that video--hopefully its meant to be entirely metaphorical -- maybe I don't get it 'cause I've not been in that situation, that is to say I got out in my last serious relationship before it got to THAT point)
2/1/15
"I Feel a Change Coming On" by Bob Dylan
***
http://vimeo.com/65273347
"Tangled Up in Blue" by Bob Dylan
http://vimeo.com/76422105
"Make You Feel My Love" by Bob Dylan
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ql2qlO8HH20
Any Day Now I Shall Be Released
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mT23dZ-JV4Y
________________________________________________
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mT23dZ-JV4Y
________________________________________________
1/7/15
"Shelter from the Storm" by Bob Dylan
"Blowing in the Wind" by Bob Dylan
_________________________________________________________
12/28/14
"Forgetful Heart" by Bob Dylan
Breathtaking!
"I Want You" by Bob Dylan
"I Want You" by Bob Dylan
___________________________________________________
August 2014
***
DYLANESQUE
Troubadour at the Helm*
Troubadour at the Helm*
Many a nascent and duly
programmed and closeted free spirit lay in wait in the mind-numbing environs
along the outer reaches of what we perceived as civilization. Whipped
into shape by parental prudence we yearned to uncover previous generations'
indoctrinated boundaries -- to burrow inward, or flee heedlessly exploring
distances--often deceptively close.
Disillusioned by
stultifying, if benign, complacency and false security, or disheartened
by unexpected brutal pronouncements, the first stone was cast and with it
began the saga we fervently craved to own. Unknowing, rancorous and unrepentant
in our ignorance, guarded, impregnated with utilitarian sensibilities--raucous,
ebullient divertissements beckoned from metropolitan hives... slyly baring
their distinction of difference.
Possibilities
summoned and burgeoning examples engaged us, while war and assassinations
occurred, some protested while others conceived ideas for an enhanced life.
Concurrently, our unblemished moon, succumbing to mankind's curiosity, was
scavenged for souvenirs and marked with what will, in future, surely be
considered an archaic concept of nationality.
Change -- its allure
strange, colorful and mysterious was unleashed. Oblivious the counterculture
was but a fraction of the whole, appropriated and seduced, we surged forward,
saturated with age old visceral longing. Blindly tasting, with unswerving
certitude, we sought undiscovered truths -- our undeveloped selves avid for
awareness and comprehension.
Discarded were coddled
asphyxiating restraints of cocooned youth and preconceived beliefs of
conventional morality and conformist matrimony. With wild abandon we rallied
forth with n'er a backward glance, catapulted into a new age, reckless with
unbound, uncompromising liberties. Pursuit was our byword.
It was a time
careless, wild and stupid with hope. The floodgates opened and nothing, we were
convinced, could be lost or damaged, nothing betrayed. Yielding to the
wakefulness of the moment, for a brief period, harmony ensued.
Having already made
his mark, a Troubadour, possessing talismanic power, entered the mainstream. A
radical, controversial, ingenious provocateur -- he passionately unleashed protest
against wrongdoers and with hauteur and vitriol put imbeciles in their place.
At the footstool of seemingly indifferent deities, he shouted his outrage
and unfurled unvarnished accounts of benighted humanity's heroism and
barbarism.
Legends arise from
extraordinary deeds, creations, power, zeal, talent and vision. Like a
wizard, with pharaonic impact, he uncoupled what was extraordinary from the
ordinary and unsheathed a refined cornucopia of style. His birthright, an
iconic profile, luminescent cherubic curls and unsettling eyes, a color only
ancient pearl hunters may have once beheld, he emanated command and innovative
brilliance
The capstone in a
musical renaissance, he created original, eloquent poetry with irrepressible
élan and plangent, memorable melodies that conveyed love's tender largesse and
bitterness. Cloaked in sophistication, his were influential, unexplored,
apocryphal sorties into artistic unexplored avenues.
His talent transformed
him into an incandescent myth and before long his persona was perceived as that
of an almost visionary effigy. In time, in an artists' enclave of a
hundred years, in response to a grave personal awakening and in stark contrast
to the phantasmagoric, psychedelic flights of carnivalesque musical expression
then in evidence, he composed austere, sage, compelling songs, christened with
an outlaw's name.
The otherworldly,
polished beauty and pathos of "I shall be "Released captured my heart
and spirit. My psyche became enmeshed and entrenched in his world -- the
linchpin of a lifelong fascination and esteem. His spell-binding aura,
his ascetic mystique and the bold male gravitas of his voice, galvanized
me to initiate the untoward act of befriending him with the written word.
In the best of terms, it was desire to shore up his spirits and mitigate his
seemingly disconsolate sorrows.
Entranced, bedeviled,
uninformed and benighted, willingly I met my fate.
As a collection of
harmonious, romantic, mellifluous songs would subsequently attest, the skyline
was transformed and delight was no longer only a seraph's province--I was
irretrievably beguiled.
Imagination suggested
one day we would encounter one another beneath a pristine verdant arboreal
canopy -- a mystical nave with luminescent lancets of sun glinting and
ribbons of light illuminating flickering dancing light-headed life... above the
damascene cushioned treads of our imprints.
Sequestered and
enveloped in this arboreal place, we would stand transfixed, a black and white
still life, a prototype of memory from another life -- assaulted by the
significance and intense impression of the moment, by hard-edged clarity and
inescapable impression -- like purposeful silver snaking alluvial rivers,
implacably, inexorably hastening to oceans rife with bequests,
Subsistence for his
continuance was confirmed by his enduring talent and persuasive, transcendent
contributions -- reflecting talented highways traveled, innovative
accomplishments and fables of old. Thoughts, dreams, beliefs and ideas
were presented with stunning expertise--a ballast for grave consideration
and heartfelt, sanctified acknowledgement.
Among thousands of
stories twined in and about his life, for me, arrangements soon became unglued
and in my helplessness, despair and shameful loss -- surrender to circumstance
dictated my actions. A child answered and in its being, maternal resolve,
fealty and determination persisted with which freedom, romance and art could
not compete. Unwittingly, in an out of the way basement, the mood was
playful.
Admired and invited,
veracity and sincerity questioned, promises made and unfulfilled made for
emotional turmoil. The tightrope of avowals of love, remonstrations,
contrition, affection and reconcilement ushered in emotional fragility and thus
overwhelmed, I was unhinged.
For those who cannot
distinguish love from obsession, ego was checkmated by the fact we were
attuned -- there was altruism, reciprocal affirmation of attraction, as well as
emotional intimacy and exceptional rapport. The playing field was further
leveled in that although many worshipped him, it was his acceptance and
indulgence evident in his responses to me, that allowed the connection to
evolve to more than one would have expected.
The alchemy of
consanguinity was the crucible. Thus we retain credibility, as
forgiveness allows for armor against doleful reflections of diminished returns.
In the here and now, in terms of the divine retribution and
biblical righteousness, I must concede past thoughtlessness -- what may be by
some deemed sin and turpitude, and which has resulted in years of solitude,
seclusion and estrangement.
The elusive,
recalcitrant and ever-present cast of the moment between us, however, was ever
palliated by mutual amicability and in most loving terms, the emotional and
poetic alignment was to be possessed and to possess. Who is to say
Judgment may not yet award this secret honor with flowered circles of
distinction.
It was you,
beloved Sainchaidh, who
awakened and fostered hearts to absorb wisdom. Imbued with riveting
exuberant exquisiteness, did you not assiduously gather tradition and emerging
currents and fuse a gathering of influences by any means possible?
Was there a grand plan
afoot when first you saw the light of day and clamored for attention? Did you
not supersede your expectations and engrave your name on our times? Your
songs achieved immortality and it is entirely possible you may have facilitated
a change in our world for the better.
Your ineffable
and nuanced spirit, invested love for family, friends and God. Did you
reckon on a connection fraught with intrigue and temptation? But were we
not dedicated, nay devoted in our willingness and cooperation -- even if always
one measure short of satisfaction? As the years rampaged through our lives, did
we not, despite self reproach, regret and disheartening powerlessness,
nevertheless still seek comfort?
What Faustian
pact determined these predilections? In what ancient grimoire was this
malediction devised, or was it secreted in a consecrated reliquary? In the
background, despairing of duplicity and games of brinkmanship were perpetuated
by need -- tenuous, and cast in second hand resignation, for me, the way
forward led back. In the foreground, with elegiac brio, blessed with
divinely granted aptitude and panache, you created yet another masterpiece.
So lips were not
meant with flesh to be acquainted and a courtly pavane of touch between
alabaster crosier and scabbard did not take place -- but given another time and
place, when troubadours wandered the land and destriers and palfreys were
corralled by man's dominance, stabled separately and harnessed by disparate
entities...once unbridled, recalling vestigial instinct, freedom would induce
them to prance, cavort and abscond together.
Many forsaken
spun out decades of separation and forlorn vigils gave birth to mournful
yearning songs of pathos and salvation. Having dared my best to attempt to
master the tightrope between your liberality and your reticence, escorted by
rejection, acts of kindness and condemnation remembrance took hold,
Like jesses
ground a kestrel, so I was bound to the Troubadour...occasionally free to
follow my nature, but always to return to him with a token seeking comfort and
reward. Fretted by our experience we spoke of resolution, but our obdurate
selves made a prison and set the clock implacably after midnight. Lavish
ebullient accolades of adamantine glory, laced with acidic imprecations
invariably followed.
As the years
hounded each other, hurtled into other unfathomable realities, questing
for soul and deity, revelations and elucidation, portals to an undisclosed
world were presented, visible intrusions of the paranormal illuminated for
me the mystical rapture of nature's and humankind's capability for
mythical results and craven choices.
As time
suggested escalation of companionship and commonality, our bond grew tenuous and
our link frail but embedded in a dream, sermons to refresh the spirit and
lingering memories were conjoined with tenacious devotion. Intense and delicate
are the splendors I take with me for the Troubadour at the helm fevered my
spirit with delight and yearning and exposed the need for togetherness until at
last our minds capitulated and collided.
Eventually Justice's
arrangement of payment for fame and riches are extracted, as is inevitable for
pauper alike, and a mirthless meeting will place when and where the Great
Recycler never
capitulates.
But our time
has not yet come and since times past immemorial the call of a rapacious raptor
still makes itself known on a full moon night when all seems to exist to
demonstrate intransigence. In the sylvan cathedral woods birds will still
declare our story and a zephyr affirm our presence and ancient gnarled tree
elders continue to embrace sun, cloud, rain and snow, symbiotic in their share
-- integral components of that which has been bestowed.
In this sacred,
pontifical framework designated life, I adored you and you favored me. Like a
confluence of rivers sustains and nourishes, the infinite wraithlike domain of
inspiration prompts and translates melody and lyrics, as thought to deed.
An Admirer
"Queen of Swords"
"Queen of Swords"
"Peace will come
With tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire
But will bring us no reward when her false idols fall
And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating
Between the King and the Queen of Swords."
By Bob Dylan from "Changing of the Guards"
*Note: Queen of Swords obviously is a pseudonym, however, all material in various blogs has been copyrighted.
Poster by Peter Max
"A woman who stops to give something for nothing is either worth her weight in gold or doesn't have enough sense to get out of the rain"
The Light and Grace of Starless Wanderers
http://rockreelinride.blogspot.com/
"...not dark yet"
http://rockingreelingride.blogspot.com/
"With one hand waving free"
http://blogger2sillytobetrue.blogspot.com/
"...not dark yet"
http://rockingreelingride.blogspot.com/
"With one hand waving free"
http://blogger2sillytobetrue.blogspot.com/
...'Til the wheels fall off"
http://rockinrollinride.blogspot.com/
Long Have I Desired
http://bloggeratbottomofthebarrel.blogspot.com/
..."bottom of the barrel"
http://rockinrollinride.blogspot.com/
Long Have I Desired
http://bloggeratbottomofthebarrel.blogspot.com/
..."bottom of the barrel"
Dylanesque- Troubador at the Helm
http://rockthatreelinride.blogspot.com/
Re: Bob Dylan
January 2016
http://takerefugeinreality.blogspot.com/
Pertaining to" Lay Lady Lay" - The Subtext of her Life
http://rockthatreelinride.blogspot.com/
Re: Bob Dylan
January 2016
http://takerefugeinreality.blogspot.com/
Pertaining to" Lay Lady Lay" - The Subtext of her Life
http://worthathousandwordsbob.blogspot.com/
For Whatever It's Worth
http://fallenangelshazelrespond.blogspot.com/
Down the Road
https://lifestrangerthanfictionbobdylanandme.blogspot.com/
Down The Hightway
For Whatever It's Worth
http://fallenangelshazelrespond.blogspot.com/
Down the Road
https://lifestrangerthanfictionbobdylanandme.blogspot.com/
Down The Hightway
NOTE: Authorship (copyrighted material) of this and other blogs (a limited selection of work) PSEUDONYMS: GENERAL: Hazel Brock, Hazel Badger POETRY: Queen of Swords, NOVELS: Clifford Riker, Rebecca Rockwell INTERNET: Peggy Day, Stephanie Badger, et al , ARTWORK: AlexRa
All writings by Alexandra S. Lukas-Dallas
All writings by Alexandra S. Lukas-Dallas
